You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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