Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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