No stitches, just platelets and will power
the day after is always just damage control
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
