wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
