Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
