On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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