btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
