I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Houston, we have a squirter
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
