New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
