He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
