Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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