Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
