her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
