Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
