my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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