Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
