the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
