Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
