My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
