Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
