Four minutes until I can fart!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
