Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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