be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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