You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
