Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
