Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
