my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
