He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
