It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
