had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
