Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
