Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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