stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
