so that wasnt chicken after all
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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