Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
