Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
