I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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