So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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