Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
