life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
