Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
