I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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