i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
