I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so let's talk penis.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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