Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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