watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
