hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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