he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
