They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
