you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
