even my farts smell like vagina
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
